all good things must come to an end

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

its been a couple of weeks since my problems started.
i suppose you can say this is my first breakup from a proper serious relationship (like what the heck is that?)
but that aside, i have somehow come to feel that much as i kind of started this blog again when i got together with him, perhaps now is the time i should end it, just as how the relationship has come to an end.

i no longer have anything to blog about, my mind being empty day after day.
i force myself to work, efficiently, inefficiently i don't care.
i can fag a hardpack in 2 days and i don't care.
i can stop eating and just fag and it doesn't matter much to me either.
my chin has kind of poked out from having no appetite all the time.

and when i do eat, it only when my hands start shaking and i cannot breathe properly.
even then, the food is tasteless, unappealing and i just eat for the sake of eating.

it is ok for me to get down, but i know that i cannot stay down.
i need to get out of this.
but it is so hard.
so hard to give up all your dreams of a fantastic life together.
but they are all shattered dreams now and shattered dreams they will stay.

i am stupid for feeling like this, for crying when crying doesn't solve problems.
suddenly with everything and everyone leaving me, i feel left alone, left behind.
but that is just selfish thoughts of me.

like a customer whom i am very close with said, "it is time to renew your stock" (read: time to renew your circle of friends and acquaintances.) how right.

yet all things are always easier said than done.
i am not lost now, i am just stuck in my own trap, in my own hole and i am not sure if i cannot climb out of it, or i just don't want to.

so perhaps when i am happy again, i will start to talk about more cheerful things or perhaps not.
i suppose that for now, this will be the end.

Posted at 08:12 pm by abby


	Deanna August 31, 2005 12:52 PM PDT Are you better now? I hope so . . .


	Yenew August 4, 2005 05:18 PM PDT Yup, yet another silent reader sending hugs across the cyberspace. Heard from Ash that we're now churchmates. :-) Enjoy your walk with God!


	fur July 31, 2005 12:56 PM PDT all the best abs... you will soon find the happy side of your life again. hugs


	topo July 14, 2005 02:25 PM PDT hugs.


	wee July 13, 2005 10:10 AM PDT same here.. have been silently reading your blog all these while.. just want to thank you for sharing your beautiful, and sometimes humorous, writing.. sincerely hope that things would get better for you.. :)


	Rie July 12, 2005 11:24 PM PDT i've been a silent reader of your blog for the longest time, sharing your happy blogs and now, sharing the less than happy moment.. you deserve better. i hope you find your smile back soon.

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