and perhaps i have good reason to.
i don't even know how to put my thoughts and feelings down in words.
my parents are contemplating getting a divorce.
i am sick and tired of the constant cycle of family problems i have, repeating themselves once every few years.
i am sick and tired of growing up with parents who can't work it out between themselves.
i am tired of being the buffer between them both.
i hate the tension which hangs in the air in a place i call "home".
i am twenty-three this year and i am unsure of what i want to do with the rest of my life.
i am tired of taking one-step at a time.
i am tired of not planning and not knowing what the next step beholds.
with all that is happening at home and in my head, i am even more unsure if i am with the right guy.
all this makes me sad. mainly the problem with my parents because when i look at them this way, i lose alot of faith in love, and in my own love-life. as i sit here typing this out, the radio is playing "love changes everything". yes it does. love changes alot of things in one's life. but when you lose love, everything falls apart.
i hate that i cannot verbalise my thoughts, and for me, sometimes the only way to get my thoughts and feelings across to the people i love is through written words, and even that doesn't work. each time i want to say something, the words freeze at the tip of my tongue, or knot up in my throat and i can't speak, or otherwise spitting out words coated with emotion-overkill and tears. usually, the opposite party gets frustrated at my silence and then it makes me feel even worse. unhappy at the situation, frustrated at them for not understanding me, angry at myself for being this way.
i can't continue anymore, because my mind has come to a blank and i just don't want to think.
Posted at 07:16 am by
abby
 | | |
Abby
March 15, 2005 09:09 AM PST
hey ash, yann, dawna,
thanks for the encouragement.
yes i'm still hangin' on here! :P
thankie guys :) |
|
| | |
yann
March 14, 2005 10:51 PM PST
abs!
i totally understand about the words-freezing part....
yes, hang on, hang on.
*hugs* |
|
| | |
dawna
March 10, 2005 09:54 PM PST
hi abby, i'm ash's and yann's friend.
sometimes i read ur blog and reading this entry strikes me hard somehow. i remember how i used to feel very torn and almost poisoned whenever there was a family conflict; be it parent-parent or parent-brother. i can only imagine how miserable you feel.
do hang on like what ash said. words are cheap, i know words can't make things better but, well. |
|
| | |
ash
March 7, 2005 01:59 PM PST
hang on hang on. |
|
| | |
Abby
March 7, 2005 10:27 AM PST
hi michelle :) of course i still remember u, and ur blog now has such a big photo haha.
thanks..i'm just feeling quite sian and tired with all these things happening argh |
|
| | |
michelle
March 7, 2005 08:14 AM PST
hi abby,its me..how are you? u sound troubled.take care ya.....still have my hp no.?drop me a msg when u are free..and we can meet up if u need someone to talk to.... |
|
